


A dream of peace

by Subaruchan192



Series: After the fire- Post war Eruri [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Study, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Forehead Touching, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Insecurity, Kissing, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), Love Confessions, M/M, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Plans For The Future, Romantic Fluff, Soft Erwin Smith, Soft Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/pseuds/Subaruchan192
Summary: “Levi?”“Hmmm?” Levi hummed dozily and snuggled tighter into Erwin’s embrace, rubbing his head on Erwin’s broad, firm chest to find a better position.“Have you ever thought about what you're going to do after all this?” Soft, long fingers mused through Levi’s ravenblack hair and Erwin breathed a kiss against his scalp.“You mean, if we survive to see it?”“Yes.”“You know how unlikely it is. So, why dream then?” Levi murmured and snuggled his head back against his shoulder.  “If it doesn't come true after all.”“And what if it does?”~*~or: Under the spreading canopy of a weeping willow, Erwin and Levi find a moment of peace and begin to imagine what their future might be like if they survive this war.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: After the fire- Post war Eruri [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086356
Comments: 8
Kudos: 89





	A dream of peace

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm back and with a very different story as I thought I would write next, but you know how it's like :D since when do the charas care about that? :D  
> It isn't exactly a part of my post-war Eruri serie "after the fire", but it is the OS that is going to set it all off, so I still put it in it.:D 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Finding peace in war was not easy; even if it was only a glimmer. A moment of peace, a moment of distraction and diversion. A tiny moment when you could leave the rank at the door for a few minutes, lay the soldier to rest and just be a person again, a human being.

For Erwin and Levi, these moments were all the rarer. They were both in charge and responsible for the lives of many people. Neither of them could accept that a situation might get out of hand and those in their care for die just because they had allowed themselves to indulge in a moment of longing for rest.

For once, they had an afternoon off. No planning of expedition, no political chess games. Nothing. Just a few hours for them. It was a beautiful, warm summer day. The flowers were blossoming and their sweet scent danced with the wind over the meadow.

They were sitting below a willow with overhanging branches. A small stream babbled peacefully at their feet and a few frogs croaked in the distance.

It was a wonderful day that Levi was enjoying. More than he should as this was just an illusion of peace that would soon burst like a soap bubble. A few moments out of time and reality, but which also inspired hope and made dreams sprout like plants from a seed.

For the first time since he could remember, Levi began to dream, to wish that when this insane war was over, they could make this dream a reality.

“Levi?”

“Hmmm?” Levi hummed dozily and snuggled tighter into Erwin’s embrace, rubbing his head on Erwin’s broad, firm chest to find a better position.

“Have you ever thought about what you're going to do after all this?” Soft, long fingers mused through Levi’s ravenblack hair and Erwin breathed a kiss against his scalp.

“You mean, if we survive to see it?”

“Yes.”

“You know how unlikely it is. So, why dream then?” Levi murmured and snuggled his head back against his shoulder. “If it doesn't come true after all.”

“And what if it does?” Erwin sounded thoughtful, his voice was heavier and deeper than usual. Levi frowned and dissolved from his embrace, which had tightened around him. He sat up to look into these expressive, blue eyes that only he was able to read.

“Erwin, what is this about?” Concerned, Levi looked at him and cupped his cheek, his thumb brushing one blond strand out of his face. “What's going on in your head?”

“I began to dream,” he explained and leaned into Levi’s palm. “Wondering how our life could look like after his.”

“Ou…ours?” Levi’s asked, surprised.

“Yes, ours,” Erwin replied and his brows furrowed into a frown, his blue eyes staring into his while he tried to read what was going on inside of Levi. Though Levi wasn’t sure what he could find as his mind was completely blank for once, shocked by the prospect he had never considered. Because he had never expected that this possibility existed, that this here was something more than an illusion of a dream in a stormy time.

Erwin’s frown turned concerned as there was no reaction from Levi. No scoff, no blushing, no insult or another witty reply. Levi only stared at him as if he had broken him, but for once Erwin misunderstood him, concluding the wrong thing.

“If this is what you want, but you don’t have to. I mean, I can… I… I...“ Erwin’s voice became faster with every word until they completely failed him and suddenly, the all mighty, confident, composed commander of the Survey Corps was flustered, a faint blush colouring his cheeks. Erwin was much gentler and kind-hearted than his mask as commander let on.

Ashamed, Erwin turned his head away, starring stubbornly on the deep green grass as if he was counting the little, colourful dots of flowers.

The expression of helplessness was what woke Levi up from his paralysation. Just like always, all he wanted was to help the man, who had opened his eyes. To do everything he could to help him carry the impossibly heavy weight. Whether it was the weight of the world, or his own personal one. He would always have his back.

“Erwin.” Tenderly, Levi cupped both of his cheeks, his thumbs running along the prominent bones. “Please, look at me!”

Erwin took a deep, deliberate breath, air filling his lunge, before he let it out. Levi waited for another breath and another and then, finally, he slowly raised his eyes again. The ocean’s eyes shivered, uncertainty flickering between their fibres.

“Thank you,” Levi whispered and lifted himself up to press their foreheads together. Erwin startled for the briefest of moment, but then huffed and sighed, his eyes falling close as the warm feeling of their connection was reassuring him.

No matter how shaken the world appeared or how hopeless the situation was, they could return to this strong, warm bond between them. They were each other’s anchors, when they were endangered to get lost in the darkness they had to see.

“Erwin, this was not a no to it,” he continued. “You just took me by surprise.”

“Why?” Erwin pulled away and looked at him with knitted eyebrows. “Because I imagined our future?”

“Yes,” Levi said and calm, deep eyes looked at him. In this dream, in this other reality, they could dare to be completely honest with each other. Without fearing that they couldn’t endure it, because they couldn’t face the consequences of tearing down all the walls. To stop pretending this here wasn’t as serious as it actually was, because they were afraid to lose each other. That maybe the pain was going to be easier like that.

Even though they were both aware that they were only fooling themselves, because the reality was easier to bear like this.

At this moment, Levi had almost nothing to lose. Nothing that would keep him in this world, when the afterlife was calling, nothing that would distract him from his duty.

But with this conversation, the stakes and risk were raised.

The hope that a dream could become reality would be born, manifest. A future that Levi longed for with all his heart. A peaceful, sheltered life at Erwin's side.

It could inspire him to fight even harder, but it could also destroy him if this small seed was taken from him, which he wanted to clasp in his hand with all his strength.

It was their crossroad in which they decided if they wanted to be more than soldiers. That they would give Levi and Erwin a chance to exist, too. To have wishes, desires and hopes.

Hope could be a powerful motivator, but it could also be destructive at this time and the stakes were high.

So, could they dare it? Could Levi be selfish to reach for this pale, faint image and risk everything for it? Just because he couldn't lose Erwin?

What if Levi was the right partner for this situation, because it was the only thing he knew, but the wrong one for a future of peace? The truth was Levi wasn’t sure if he was worth it for Erwin to give up everything. He had a life before he joined the military, he knew something out of the fighting and could return to it, but Levi didn’t. Levi was polluted by everything that was wrong with this world.

“I see,” Erwin said and tore Levi out of his thoughts. It seemed like he wasn’t able to hide all those thoughts behind the unreadable fog of his deep, grey eyes.

“What do you see?”

“Fear and doubts. You believe that this here isn’t real.” He captured the space between them with his big hand and a thoughtful expression made his blue eyes deep and dark. “That it’s nothing more than an escapism of the gruesome things we see, experience and decide. Some kind of…”

Erwin pursed his lips as he searched for the word.

“Solace,” Levi offered and he didn’t know why. It was exactly what he thought and he feared the damage it could cause.

He loved what they shared. Erwin was one of the few people he could stand, and the only one after Isabela and Furlan that he liked. However, if they defined their relationship instead of just living in the moment, it could ruin everything. Everything Levi had held dear had been taken away from him, torn apart and killed. It sometimes felt like a curse and that was why he tried to keep people away from him in order to protect them.

Maybe because Erwin’s and his relation had started so rocky, it was why he had been able to slip through Levi’s protection walls. He had tried to kill him, he had _wanted_ to kill him, because he had blamed Erwin for the death of the only people he had loved and trusted.

Because blaming him was easier than accepting the pain that came along with the knowledge that his very own decision had caused their death and Erwin, he had been the perfect scapegoat. His reaction to it, though, had surprised him. There had been no anger, grudge or blaming. Erwin had accepted his anger, had accepted _him_. It had felt like an embrace. Erwin had embraced Levi in all of his shades and that had been something completely new, almost alien experience, because Erwin didn’t need him. He didn’t want anything from him and yet, he kept looking at him and took care of him.

It had been Erwin who had accompanied Levi through his mourning, had accepted Levi’s rudeness and scoffing with a smile and a warm glance in his eyes and just offered his company. Something Levi had believed he didn’t want, but the warmth to know that there was someone there, offering his hand was truly comforting and Erwin let him decide whether he wanted to take it. Slowly, the ice around Levi’s heart had begun to melt.

Levi had needed long to understand that this soft, warm emotion he was experiencing was happiness.

Stealing himself, he took a deep breath and looked back up. He hadn’t noticed that he had avoided Erwin’s gaze, afraid of what he might find in it.

The blond hair shimmered like gold in the gentle light of the sun and there was a tenderness in his blue eyes that tightened Levi’s throat.

How could it be he felt the strongest and yet the most fragile in Erwin’s presence?

“Is that the word you’re fearing?” Erwin asked and his voice was calm. There was no reproach in it, or any indication he felt hurt that Levi felt that way.

“We experience the worst of things together. It’s not uncommon that we try to find something comforting. Something that keeps us going,” Levi murmured, but he felt like a fool. That he wanted to convince himself of it, because he couldn’t accept that someone could care for him- especially someone as bright as Erwin- and with that he tried to protect him, while his heart was screaming at him that it wasn’t true. That it was more. Levi was just too afraid and tried to back out.

“But that doesn’t mean it isn’t real,” Erwin said softly and caressed his cheek. Levi loved the feeling of Erwin’s hand on his skin. That soft touch, the gentle pressure, the warmth they admitted. He felt held and protected.

“At this moment, yes, but we are forged together by war. We found each other in the underworld and went through hell together every day. You know a life outside of it, but I don't.” Levi sighed. “I’m not sure who I’m going to be when all of this is over.”

“Levi.” The whisper of his name felt like a nudge and slowly, he looked back up.

“That between us is the only good thing in those terrifying times. The only precious thing left, but what if…what if it doesn’t last? What if it disappears together with the adrenaline and the fire?”

His voice almost broke at that question, trembling almost violently and he wrapped his arms around him, swallowing hard to get rid of the lump in his throat.

Erwin stayed silent, and didn't respond immediately, almost as if he was moving Levi’s words from side to side inside his mind, assessing what was hidden within them. His blue eyes glanced into Levi’s, hoping to see more, to understand better.

It was so damn frustrating at times; this calmness of Erwin which was the anchor for so many soldiers. Not that Levi was any different, but just sometimes he wished to see any reaction. A flicker of hurt, a spark of anger. Just something more than this deep, endless ocean. Just for once a wave or a storm so that Levi could believe that there was something strong existing between them.

“Is that what you’re afraid of? That it is too good to be true? That it can’t last? And before it could possibly hurt you, you take what is given to you without hoping for more?”

“What’s wrong about living in the moment?”

“Nothing.” Erwin smiled, warm and understanding. “There is no denying that we can die any day. That each moment could be the last. Imagining a future can therefore be painful because we will probably never experience it. But then what are we fighting for? What else do we hold on to if not the small glimmer of hope that we might survive after all?”

“I fight because it’s all I can do. All that I know.” Levi leaned down to look at his hands. “These bloodstained hands know nothing else than holding the hilt of a sword or a knife.”

“They know more than that,” Erwin said and gently enclosed them. His hand was so big that both of Levi’s fit perfectly into them and long, soft fingers caressed his thumb. “They know how to clean a room faster than anyone else.”

“Tch…” Levi glared at him, but a small smile twitched around the corners of his mouth.

“They know how to make tea.”

“Now, you’re messing with me.” He shook his head, but couldn’t help but a small chuckle to escape him.

“But you’re smiling again,” Erwin noted with a smile and squeezed his hands. “They also know how to hold me, to soothe me when all of this feels too much for a single person. They know how to stroke through my hair, to cup my cheek, to brush along my lips. They know how to protect those you hold dear and even those you don’t know. They’re strong, they’re gentle, they’re kind.”

With deep blue eyes, Erwin lifted his hands and kissed Levi’s knuckles. Something rested in those eyes, something that took Levi’s breath away. A faint shimmer of hope, of longing.

“Levi, I love you.”

Levi's world stood still; his heart didn’t beat as everything around him froze.

“What?” he whispered, sounding suspiciously like a stutter. He couldn't believe it. He didn’t _want_ to believe it. “You love me?”

“Yes, I do.” Erwin smiled the most beautiful smile Levi had ever seen. “For a very long time.”

“You never said anything.”

“No, because I knew it would scare you.”

“Erwin, I…”

“You don’t have to say anything.”, he whispered and kissed him softly. “Levi, I won’t be your chain. If living with me doesn’t turn out to be something that makes you happy, that is alright. If one day you come to me and say: ‘ _Erwin, this life isn’t what I want, I’m not happy anymore_.’ and you don’t just say it because you’re afraid that it’s not going to last, I’ll let you go without blaming or scorn, without hesitation. There will be no bad ending, Levi. I love you and I only want you to be happy, because no one deserves it more than you.”

Speechless, stunned, Levi looked at him, not even able to blink.

“No obligation, love, no pressure. Not from me. Never.” He touched their foreheads together. “So please, can you stop running ahead and doom what might not be doomed? Just stay with me, in this peaceful moment, and dream with me.”

Dreaming about his future, which suddenly appeared so close and Levi reached out. He wanted to touch it. Erwin smiled and leaned into Levi’s palm, while his hand cupped his.

“So, if you close your eyes and think about the time after the Titans, without worrying if we are going to experience it or not, how would you want it to look like?”

“More of this,” it slipped Levi without hesitation.

“Of what exactly?”

“More of us. Of those happy, peaceful moments,” he murmured and suddenly, it bubbled out of him. “Having time just for us…no obligations, no duty…just _us_.”

He lifted his gaze and his heart was racing as if it tried to run away from the prospect of getting rejected.

“Would that be something you could imagine?”

“You mean quitting service?” Erwin titled his head and Levi shrugged.

“Maybe. To be honest, I’ve never wanted to fight. I just never had a choice.” A deep sigh escaped him. “So, I can at least decide of when I’m going to leave.”

“I understand.” Erwin nodded and a dark shadow danced over his eyes, a flicker of guilt. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”

“It started long before you, Erwin. So, don’t blame you for it. You gave me a chance to leave that day, but I couldn’t close my eyes again. Not after all the things I’ve seen. I began to see the world with your eyes and I began to see you.”

With that Levi leaned in and captured Erwin’s lips for a soft kiss. Erwin sighed and leaned back against the scared bark of the willow, pulling Levi onto his lap. Levi wiggled to find a better position to deepen the kiss, their lips locking as if they never wanted to let each other go.

“I love you, too, Erwin,” he whispered, the words tenderly caressing Erwin’s face.

“Levi, you don’t have to…” The commander of the Survey Corps opened his eyes.

“I know,” Levi interrupted him with a huff and smiled at him, caressing his cheeks. “Yet I said it. What does that mean, smartass?”

In this moment, Erwin’s face expression softened and he laughed, his blue eyes shining brightly.

“So, is this something you can imagine? To live in solitude with me?” Levi waited for Erwin's response, noting that with the acceptance of his feelings for Erwin and hearing that they were mutual, his insecurity had diminished.

Erwin frowned, considering the suggestion thoroughly. Levi wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Erwin shouldn’t agree for his sake, just as less Erwin wanted him to.

After a few, long minutes in which only the bubbling of the stream and the wind in the leaves disrupted the silence, Erwin nodded and smiled.

“Yes, I can. I’d actually love to.” He leaned forward, touching their foreheads together and Levi felt how the bond between them began to blossom even more, vines growing around it, increasing its strength.

In this peaceful, quiet moment where nothing else mattered than them, when the devastated world around them fell away, Levi was happy and he couldn’t wait for the future they had just painted in bright colours. Now, they only had to find to make this wonderful dream of peace reality.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted this to be all fluffy, but it seems not able to write fluff without angst ^^' 
> 
> So, how do you like it? Did I get Levi right? (it's only the second time I write his POV) I'd really like to hear your opinions =)
> 
> Have a nice day! 
> 
> Best regards, Subaru


End file.
